Follow along with me as we observe anger in the bible and find practical ways how to deal with anger as a Christian.
Mom Guilt and Anger
Let’s just be honest, it is so easy to get angry as a mom. We expect our kids to be obedient, respectful, and loving to those around them. We spend a lot of time teaching them how to be these things but when they do not follow through, we become angry. As wives, we may start to have angry feelings toward our spouses because it is easy to take out our frustrations on the ones we love the most. The feeling of anger may be coming from other internal feelings like overwhelm, exhaustion, or failure. We need God’s help at the moment to know how to deal with anger as a Christian.
If you want to jump to How to Deal with Anger in the Moment, click here.
Is the Feeling of Anger Considered Bad When You’re a Christian?
Before we deep dive into the feeling of anger and how to deal with it as a Christian, I want first to address that everyone has felt this feeling before. We may get down on ourselves and get frustrated that we are even feeling it in the first place. Many of us have a hard time even admitting that we feel angry. It feels almost wrong to feel angry at our children or spouse because they are the ones we love the most. I know as a mom, I feel guilt after I get angry. I want to quickly address that anger is not a bad thing, in fact, we may even be able to turn it into a good thing if handled properly.
Anger is a feeling that we all feel and we can use our anger to build our relationships. However, we must be careful not to hide our anger and forget it ever happened. We need to address it, in order for our feeling of anger to be productive.
Reminder: Anger is Not a Sin
First and foremost, we need to remember that anger itself is not a sin. However, anger can turn into sinful anger. Sinful anger refers to anger that leads us to sin. We are going to look at two examples from the Bible to understand how we know anger is not a sin.
1. Jesus felt anger
We do not often think of our God as an angry God or think of Jesus as irritated. However, there are times when they have felt righteous anger. Jesus was angry on a few occasions in the bible. We know though, that Jesus is free of sin. 1 John 3:5 explains how Jesus was sinless; You know that He appeared in order to take away sins, and in Him, there is no sin. Jesus was sinless but still became agitated on multiple occasions in the bible. Therefore, anger is not a sin.
2. Biblical stories addressing anger
There are multiple stories in the bible addressing anger, but that anger was never labeled as a sin. For example, in Genesis 4:7, God is talking to Cain and asking him why he is angry. God then goes on to say that if he does not do the right thing, then he will have sinned. Meaning that Cain was not currently sinning, even though he was angry. He would only sin if he used that anger to sin.
When Anger Does Become Sin
It is important to remember that anger is not a sin. It is one of the human emotions that we feel. As a Christian, it is important to know how to deal with anger in a productive way so it does not lead to sin. We need to address that feeling in a healthy way. We need to know how to deal with angry thoughts properly before we turn them into sin- making it sinful anger. It is very easy to turn anger into sin instead of slowing down and processing our emotions.
What did Jesus Do When He Felt Annoyed and Upset?
The best way for a Christian to learn how to deal with anger is by looking to Jesus and his teaching about anger. We need to know how He handled his own anger and follow His example. It may be shocking, but the word “anger” is found in the bible over 200 times! We need to look at the word of God to learn how to deal with our own feeling of anger.
One of Jesus’ Examples of Feeling Anger
One of the times Jesus experienced anger is in Mark 3: 1-5. Jesus is in the Synagogue on the Sabbath worshiping. The Pharisees were there looking for a reason to kill Jesus, hoping to catch him in the act of work. It was against the law to work on the Sabbath. They wanted to accuse Jesus of doing work on the Sabbath because they knew he would heal the broken, which is considered work.
In the Synagogue, there was a man with a shriveled hand. Jesus asked the man to stand up and he spoke to the Pharisees and asked which is lawful on the Sabbath; to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill? (Mark 3: 2-5). No one answered. Jesus was angered at their hardened hearts. He healed the man. The Pharisees went out to begin to plot Jesus’ death while Jesus withdrew with his disciples to a lake to escape the large crowd.
Jesus’ Reason for Anger
I want to note real quick the reason behind Jesus’ anger or the type of anger he was feeling. Jesus was not angry because the Pharisees wanted to kill him. He was not mad at the law or at the man who was needing help. He was mad at their hardened hearts. This is an example of righteous anger. They were not being kind or compassionate to the man who was hurt, rather too worried about the law. Their focus was on the world, not on loving people.
How did Jesus Deal with His Feelings of Anger?
Jesus handled his anger by correcting a problem. He healed the man’s hand. He did what was right. Jesus’ anger was used to find a solution instead of being selfish in that anger.
Apostle Paul’s Teaching
Paul wrote many letters to the churches in order to help build them up in the new testament. He would call out the wrongdoings of churches and correct them. He also taught how Christians should live. In Ephesians 4:17-32, Paul is preaching about what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus Christ. He says that we are taught to put off our old self which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of our minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not let the devil get a foothold.
How to Deal with Anger as a Christian According to Paul
I think we all have heard the bible verse do not let the sun go down on your anger. In my opinion, this means that we need to address the anger we are feeling instead of ignoring it and moving on. He says that we need to put off our old self or old life which is corrupt with our deceitful desires. If we resort back to our old self in our anger, it will lead to sinful anger. If we stay in our new self, in God’s design, we can deal with our anger properly.
Anger Turning to Sin Can Cause Great Damage
The last part is so important as well; do not let the devil get a foothold. Letting the devil take your anger and turn it into sin may be easier. It is easier to get more mad than it is to deal with anger. If we let the devil get a foothold, he can turn it into destruction.
Letting your anger drive you to sin
If every time we let anger turn to sin, it will destroy our life. That is what Paul is warning us about. The feelings of anger is a normal human emotion but it could lead to a real problem. The devil could turn your anger into big anger outbursts instead of finding a healthy way to dissolve the problem. It could lead you to be a hot-tempered person, maybe resorting back to your old self. Unresolved anger could lead you to sexual immorality to “get back” at your husband instead of resolving the conflict. Anger could lead you to lie or do foolish things. While I say all of this, I am not trying to scare you, rather note that it is possible to turn your anger into something greater than it should be. Let God guide you and not your flesh.
Following Jesus’ Example and Resolving Anger
The good news is that we serve a patient, kind, gentle, and understanding God who loves us. He has the Holy Spirit in each person who wants to receive Him. Jesus showed us how he processed anger, now we have to do the same. He had human anger but also God’s anger in Him, yet he still resolved the issue in a kind way. We have the human emotion of anger and we can take Jesus’s example of how to deal with it.
A practical example of how to destroy the spirit of anger
The first step after experiencing anger is assessing it. Once you are out of that space, think about why you were angry. Were you angry for the right reasons? For example, were you angry because your kiddo spilled their cereal for the 10th time that day (unrighteous), or were you mad because your kiddo was unkind to another kid on the playground (righteous)?
If you were angry and had an outburst at your kiddo for spilling their cereal, it is time to understand that it was unrighteous anger. Then apologize to your kiddo for yelling and move on.
If it was righteous anger, then it is time to address it. Speak with your child about the heart posture behind it. Explain how you grew upset because it hurts your heart to see your child hurt someone else. Then, talk with them about why they did it and how we can apologize and move forward. Give them guidance and kindness. This would be an example of taking your anger and still doing the right thing as Jesus did in the Synagog. This is one correct way to guide your anger and use it to build relationships and teach.
How to Deal with Anger in the Moment
- The first thing to do is to take a breath and think about why exactly you are upset. What descriptive words can you tie to your anger, and where is that anger stemming from?
- Then assess if the anger is righteous or unrighteous. Would Jesus be angry as well?
- If it is righteous, figure out the heart posture behind it. How can you use your anger to be constructive and not deconstructive?
- If it is anger at your own heart posture, sit with God in His word. Seek God’s help. Pray about how you can change your heart and heal it. Ask to receive the fruits of the Holy Spirit and try your best to live that out.
- Think of different ways to react to your anger next time it happens. Do you process better when you’re alone? Do you need to address it with the person right away? It is easier to be prepared when you are not in the moment.
- If your anger is towards a person, find constructive ways to fix it. Please do not bury your feelings, instead tell them why you are angry and discuss biblical principles.
If Anger is a Bigger Problem in Your Life:
Maybe you are here and you feel that anger is taking over your life on a regular basis. You may need some more help with anger management than just some simple steps. Maybe it goes deeper. Here is my encouragement to you.
- You may be the type of person who feels that Christian counseling is a safe place for you. Sit with your Christian counselor and discuss how to express anger in a healthy way. Dive deeper into your feelings of anger. Is it anger that has built up? Is it something much bigger? Perhaps a trauma.
- Sit in God’s word and ask to be filled with the fruit of the spirit. Maybe your anger is not righteous and you just need to become close with God again and be filled with the holy spirit. That is okay too.
- Find a person who you trust to discuss this with. It may be your spouse or your best friend. Ask them to hold you accountable for expressing the anger in a healthy manner.
My Encouragement for Christian Mom’s and Wife’s
Anger is not a sin, nor is it wrong. However, as wives and mothers, we have the ability to build our house or tear it down with our own hands. Do not let the anger lead you to tear your home down. Do not let the anger fester or sit. When angry feelings are handled properly, it can lead to stronger relationships and healed hearts. We need to follow Jesus in doing the right thing by using the anger in a productive way, then moving on. Pray for God to take away your spirit of anger and sit in God’s word to find your encouragement there. Lean on him and be in partnership with Him.
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